This is the part that might scare you. It should. This is the big one, the major commitment, the most far reaching commitment you will ever make to another human being. Your wedding vow.
If you already understand the seriousness of your vow, I can certainly see why you might be hesitating. No matter how ready you think you are for marriage, no matter how good a match your partner appears to be, this is a huge decision. Just look at all the weighty considerations we have been discussing.
- Changing how you run your life
- Opening up completely to somebody
- Becoming a “we”
- Committing to fight for someone
- Promising gentleness and respect, even when you are angry or frustrated
- Choosing sacrifice
You are right to pause. You are right to hesitate. You are right to make 100 percent sure that you know what you are getting into and that you are willing to commit to it.
Remember that you are making this vow before God. Remember that you are making this vow to your partner. Remember that this vow is meant to be irrevocable. When you say “Yes”, you are agreeing to a whole lot of things, and they come as a package: The Marriage Code!
Do I have to tell you the importance of confidence in the marriage and in one’s partner’s loyalty, love and support? Do I have to describe just how important that is to boosting a person’s will to make the vow, to keep the vow and to live the vow, knowing that he or she can count on the spouse to do the same? Knowing that one’s partner is part of the solution to the challenges in life, rather than part of the problem?
Is your partner perfect? Of course not. Your solution will never be perfect.
Are you perfect? Of course not. Your partner’s solution will never be perfect, either.
There is no perfect solution. But a commitment to loving each other, to supporting each other, to respecting each other, to caring for each other, to bolstering each other and to praying together for strength and wisdom… that is as close to perfection as human beings can get.
And you can get that close to perfection. Yes, you can be as good a person and as good a partner as anybody. All you have to do is make the choice to live by The Marriage Code, to really mean it and to really live it. It’s your code. It’s my code. It is everybody’s code who has ever wanted to follow it, from Adam and Eve right up until today.
The only option is; when there is abuse or infidelity, there might still be divorce, and rightly so. Is that a failing of The Marriage Code? Yes, it is… but it is not The Code’s fault. It is the failing of one partner to adopt The Code, to choose to live by it. Abuse and infidelity are, in fact, purposeful decisions to reject The Marriage Code.
The same goes for family violence. If you live by The Code, you do not harm your spouse. And you do not harm your children, if for no other reason than to do so would harm your spouse. How can a person fulfill a vow to love if he or she is hurting people?
Love and violence are incompatible. Violence is a choice. In the context of marriage, it is a purposeful decision to break one’s vow. Before you marry somebody, make sure that you are prepared to never break that vow. And make sure that your partner is not a vow-breaker that your partner will be true to his or her word. That’s what starts at the altar when you say your vows. You must make sure to marry someone who will be true to that vow a week later, a year later, a lifetime later. Is this your understanding of a vow?
Do you have questions for me? Not sure where your relationship and marriage is heading? Contact me by clicking HERE right away or leave your message below and let me help you. I would love to hear from you.